With the whirlwind of the past few months, I have slowly been changing. In the past, I had locked myself up, thrown away the key, and allowed my true self to stay snuggled deep inside. I stayed within the confines of my own comfort zone, wanting to go forward, but never knowing exactly how to do it. There was constant conflict going inside, and an unsettling feeling that just wouldn’t go away. Unhappiness drove me to a breaking point, until I finally listened to my heart.
Once I finally did that, I felt free. I started doing things that felt right, listening to my intuition and not fighting every little thing in my life. I learned to slow down, and not always rush to something deemed more important than the moment I was in. I had way more energy, and I started to love being around people. I stopped worrying about what others thought of me, and my only concern shifted to how I could impact others in a positive way. Standing back and observing, it was almost like watching a flower bud grow, slowly opening up to a beautiful flower.
I always think of the quote from A Course in Miracles that says,
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
I spent a lot of my life attaching myself to others, blaming others for how I felt, blaming myself for my own misconstrued perception of who I thought I was, or judging other people. Always wondering why someone couldn’t love me, or why they didn’t like me. Looking back, I realize that I was always going after something or someone to save me from my unhappiness. I was so concerned with these problems outside of myself, and I never stopped to take a look inside.
Once I started looking inward – I was able to come to terms with my life. I could take responsibility for how I felt, how I perceived others, and what type of life I could live. I started tearing down these barriers inside, and only then did I realize that I was the only one dimming my light. I had created this life of constant let downs and failures, and I was the only one that could fix it.
The only control you have 100% of in life is your thoughts and your actions. You can’t control how other people treat you, if tomorrow you will be fired from your job, or even lose a loved one. But you can control how you view others, and you can also control how you view yourself. Once you realize this, it is the most terrifying yet empowering feeling you could ever have. So look to others with love – look at yourself with love – and listen to that intuition deep down, telling you to be yourself with no reservation. You know it’s there. And if you ever forget, remember to break down those barriers, and let your light shine through.